With all that has gone on in the last couple of years, I’ve spent more time than some thinking about my funeral. When I was at my lowest, I wondered if anybody would even show up and when I’m feeling particularly amused with myself, I draft hilarious opening lines for my own eulogy.  To be honest, I have a lot of opening lines and not much content which is the state of a lot of my writing.

So, while I’m planning on sticking around for as long as possible, life (and death) can be pretty unpredictable. And I really don’t want a funeral that’s followed by just tea and biscuits.

So here are 5 things I want you to remember (please and thank you):

I’m a social creature so that means I want you frocked up and fabulous and ready to celebrate me. That means bring your own tissues, a texta and arrange to leave your car behind. Once we’ve got the ashes to ashes bit done, there is going to be eating, drinking and story-telling all through the night. In fact, if I die young, make sure somebody brings a video camera and records heaps of stories (good, bad and ugly) so my daughters can have them for posterity.  Do not have anywhere to go afterwards… especially a meeting. No dead person wants to be fitted in between lunch and an urgent meeting that probably could have been an email.

I love the power of words – the reason you’re bringing that texta with you is that since I’m going to be cremated, it can be a cheap old plywood coffin and I want every last bit of it covered with your great memories and declarations of love. I’ve told the girls to turn my ashes into jewellery so they’ll be carrying those words around with them for ever more.

Music for me is something that I associate with feelings and friends – two things I think we should spend more time talking about. I’ve started a list of songs that can be played at the ceremony and then at the kick arse wake you’re all having. Normally I’d leave this to Nick but he’s going to be busy sourcing cheap arse plywood coffins and taking the girls shopping for outfits so whoever is in charge of music will need to tap him up for my Spotify login.

It’s no secret that I genuinely find people interesting and that I’m one of those strange people that loves to meet new people. I love the way people are different and imperfect and complex. I am the person I am because of the people that love me, have loved me, believe in me, and have believed in me. I am not only my experiences but their experiences. This means yes, absolutely, bring a date to my funeral – it’s going to be a kick arse party and a way to show them you know lots of really fabulous people.

Turns out despite everything – I don’t believe in heaven, or a god, or anything more than Colin himself. I see grief simply as love with no place to go. There will be no seeing me afterwards or me watching over my three greatest loves from afar. So please, I want you to surround my three hearts with your time and energy long after the party is over so that the love that normally goes into me, and makes my world such a beautiful place, can be shared around. Because of all the things I’ve done in my life, the girls that Nick and I have made together are my best work and my greatest joy.

What about you? Is there anything you want to make sure people remember for your final celebration?