Pip! Pip!

5 Mar 2014

When you go to the airport do you prefer

a) to dump and run
b) get them to the ticket counter and then leave
c) follow people all the way to the security gates and have to be forcibly removed by security guards?

Lovers and Love Actually aside of course.

I’m the first one. I really don’t like protracted goodbyes.  And that’s in pretty much all scenarios.

On the phone and need to go – Bye! (hang up)

At the pub and need to go – Bye! (leave)

At the airport going overseas – Bye! (climb out of car, grab bags, kiss driver and go)

It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that protracted goodbyes make me uncomfortable.  They are insipid small talk coloured with meaningless emotion. They are the itching of a healing sunburn. They are the wrong pair of underpants on a long run. They are bright orange crocs on grown men.

The Brits have a habit of ending phone conversations like this ‘Bye, bye, bye, byedy, bye, bye, byedy, bye, bye, bye, bye, byedybyedybyedybyedy, bye’.  When I first lived in the UK I used to wait to the end and then say Bye.  But I got wise, started saying Bye first and then hung up after their first ‘Bye’.  It might have been culturally inappropriate but for the love of humanity – one Bye is enough. Shove a good in front of it if you want to get all gooey on me.

So look – if during our conversation, our time at the pub or our visit I haven’t managed to say the things I need to say to you, or vice versa, we’ll catch up again.  Take it for granted that I love you and everything is fine and that a hug, a kiss and a ‘Bye’ is more than enough.

Unless I end the conversation by saying ‘Screw you’.

Then I’m probably mad.

A child is a child is a child is a child

5 Mar 2014

You know what’s got me cranky this week?  And it’s because of the deluge of Hollywood stories but it’s not about anything the celebrities are doing…. in fact, it’s the media.

Can we please stop referring to people’s children as adopted, natural or fostered FFS.

Adopting a child is an emotional, drawn out, costly life choice. Surrogacy – same. IVF – same. Getting yourself knocked up tends to be less drawn out, and doesn’t cost so much to begin with because the horizontal dancing tends to be free.  That’s just the way it is.  The way you choose to become a parent is completely irrelevant to the way you feel about your children.

However the baby arrives in its parents life – that child is the son or daughter of it’s parent.  End of story.

This incessant labelling of people’s children as if it makes any bloody difference to the love they feel.  I read one comment where the woman stated ‘it takes time for the love to kick in if the child is not biologically yours’ and ‘I bet Angelina loves her own children more’.  They are all her own children you idiot.  All of them.

And I can tell you, I DIYed my babies and my adoration for them didn’t kick in instantly they were hauled from my stomach.  I was too bloody tired, traumatised and sad to do anything but be grateful they were there.

Wears UGG boots to shops – still allowed to have a baby

The love when it came, BOOM.  But it wasn’t instantaneous. And it’s bullshit to pretend that biological babies are the only babies that come with ‘I am lovable’ functionality.  And it’s bullshit to pretend that all DIYers have an instant bond.  That kind of fairytale is just as damaging for DIYers as this infernal labelling of children by the process in which they arrive in their parent’s lives.

People who have a mixture of biological and non-biological children CHOSE to have each and every single one of those children as part of their lives.  That’s a powerful expression of love because unlike DIYers your parenting is judged long before the kid arrives.  Are you financially secure enough?  How do you socialise? What’s your medical history like? What are you extended family like? What are your attitudes to this? How are you going to do that? Are you going to be a good parent?

As a DIYer, yes I CHOSE to have each and every single child as part of our lives but one thing I can say definitely is that we didn’t have to prove we were suitable parent material before we got our conceiving on. Our children have just had to wing it with us, we come completely uncertified in every way.

So stop.  Let families be families.  Let’s stop referring to Nicole Kidman’s two adopted children, one natural and one surrogate child.  Let’s refer to Nicole Kidman’s four children.  Let’s stop referring to Brangelina’s rainbow family and just refer to her family or her six children rather than being racist twats.  Let’s stop referring to Neil Patrick Harris’ twins via surrogacy and just refer to his twins or his son and daughter.

Why?  Because we are teaching our children that labelling other children is okay.  That it is okay to judge somebody by origin.  That somebody who lives in a different family environment is somehow better or worse.  Because all that bollocks that we rain down on the celebrity parents, filters down into the relationships they have at school and in later life.  We are teaching them to judge.

And that is not okay.

Let parents make their families however they make them.  Even if they are celebrities.

The Run Diary – Week 3 – Bingo Wings

3 Mar 2014

Let me tell you much me running pains the universe.  God cries.

The one where I’m defeated by a toddler

3 Mar 2014

The conundrum that faced me on the weekend was my 23 month old child REFUSING to get dressed unless she could wear ‘The Princess’.

We met Peppa Pig and are supporting The Big Splash

27 Feb 2014

In our house at the moment all we think about can be shown in the chart below:

As you can see – my beautiful man and I are out of step with the ruling parties.

However, last week we had the opportunity to meet Peppa Pig who was in town to launch “The Big Splash” which is an initiative of Life’s Little Treasures Foundation.  They raise funds to support premature or sick babies so that they can grow up to drive their parents demented watching the same Peppa Pig episode on repeat for approximately 24 billion hours.

Meeting Peppa Pig had the girls so ridiculously excited they woke up even earlier than they normally do. Like so early it was practically still the day before.  However, off we went in our best party dresses to meet with the girl herself.

For those unfamiliar with Peppa Pig she is a subversive feminist character designed to instil a love of muddy puddles and anarchic behaviour in small people.  She is supported in this by an assortment of other animals representing leftie bleeding heart ethics.

Or the other view is that she is a small pink cartoon pig in a red dress, who likes to jump in muddy puddles and explore the world with her brother George, her parents and various extended family and friends. Children like the show because it’s bright, cheerful, funny and friendly.  Parents like it because it makes their children happy.

Anyhow, it was a lovely morning.  When Peppa Pig made her entrance, Cassidy went rigid with shock and fear and spent the whole time burrowed into my shoulder.  Tully and her friend Millie generally fangirled her in the way that three year olds do and then we went and participated in the big splash activity.  This involved approximately 20 children screaming in delight and jumping up and down in the pool, kicking their feet and generally behaving like children.  It is without a doubt, the easiest party you could ever throw in your life.

  

  

  

And you can do it for a good cause either in your backyard, at the beach or at the local pool.  And if you do it in your backyard and it rains on the day, just dig a hole for the genuine muddy puddle experience. I’m such a thinker.  The parties can happen any time between 1 March and 30 April and best of all, if you are awesome at the fundraising there are prizes to be won courtesy of Peppa Pig.

Go to THE BIG SPLASH for more information and register your own party.

In the meantime if you go to the Talking Frankly Facebook page and share this post with all your friends before Thursday, 6 March at 12 noon ADST, you go into the running to win THIS

         and THIS  

Which I appreciate wont get you very excited but will make you the most popular person to any small people you know, so get splashing my friends.

*Please note that this is not a paid post however we did get to meet Peppa Pig and the giveaway is coming from Peppa Pig via Kids Business who have supported the launch of The Big Splash on behalf of Life’s Little Treasure’s Foundation. Oh and the girls scored a towel each and free cupcakes and yoghurts.  

The Run Diary – Week 2 – Slowly Slowly

26 Feb 2014

I’m keeping this short and sweet people.

In this past week

• I ran my five kilometre time trial (result: I run very slowly) but I ran the whole way so I was quite pleased with myself
• Discovered it is possible to get pins and needles in one leg all the way up to your thigh while running. It is a very uncomfortable feeling
• Did 100 squats.  They might not have been the lowest squats ever but I did them.
• I learnt how to do a left jab, right hook, and some weird hopping punch down move. It’s boxing but not as you know it.  Not when I do it anyway.  Joey promises me it will help me run better.
• I worked out to make my special running watch tell me things in kilometres rather than miles. 
• I can advise that underpants choice is important.
• I learnt that chaffing caused by a wet sports bra (rainy run) makes day to day life incredibly painful.

She started this. Lucky I love her