I really don’t. In fact, I don’t like seafood at all. I don’t like a lot of meat and I don’t see the point of seeds as I am not a bird. I’m against cruelty to broccoli though appreciate that nearly any vegetable is enhanced by cheese sauce. I like fresh salads and dislike anything smothered in dressing or sauces. I’m allergic to mushrooms. I can not name a single chef on Masterchef and you’d sooner see me exfoliating with a cheese grater than you would see me willingly watching a reality food show.
All of which basically makes me an outcast. Everybody is a foodie these days. They read cookbooks on the train, can name every chef on TV and know their signature dish. They will book to get into a restaurant weeks in advance. People really really really reallly care about food. And I don’t.
I can quite happily live on cold sausages and boiled eggs for lunch for a week. Every day in a row. Or a cheese and vegemite sandwich. If I find something I like I order it again and again because I hate paying for food I don’t eat. I like plain rice. No really. Just plain rice. And yet my friends say I’m difficult to cook for because I like things plain and simple.
And while I’m outing myself – I’m happy for my meat to be dead on my plate. I don’t need you to slice it off the backside of a passing cow and throw it bleeding on a plate just so I can claim to have a sophisticated palate. Just cook my meat, throw some vegetables around and send it in. Being at the top of the food chain is a good thing people. Embrace it!
I’m big on texture though which I’m given to understand means I’m not completely a lost cause. Unless it was the time somebody convinced me to try an oyster at a very ooh la la new year’s eve party and the very feel of it in my mouth made me gag – and it shot across the table into the lap of the boyfriend’s aunt who I had only just met. Ooops.
And never try to find a recipe for weight loss if you don’t like tuna and seeds. Absolutely everything is based around a simple belief that everybody loves tuna and salad sandwiches. Me, I like salad or I like sandwiches – I don’t see the point of mixing them up. And did I mention? I really don’t like tuna.